Poppy Payne IS The Sexy Techie!

Technical Help and Opinions on Just About Everything Else!

Happy Halloween!

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Pumpkin ArseHi, everybody. It’s almost Halloween and I’d like to wish everyone a Happy, Safe and Sexy Halloween! We’re going to do the usual handing out of candy and all that on Monday, but the fun started last night (Saturday) when we had a few Gals & Ghouls over for a right proper Bell, Book & Candle Halloween party. It was a no-holds barred costume party with a ‘Wear Your Sexiest Outfit’ theme… Nudity wasn’t explicitly part of the plan, but with my friends (and me being me!), there was a fair amount of tit flashing!I So Want To Try This! I’m not sure why, but in my experience, women are far more likely to flash their naughty bits than guys are. Could it be that guys are just a little bit insecure? The pic you see here was not taken at the party, but I saw it on the web and was instantly intrigued. Full body paint! I would LOVE to try that someday, maybe for a party, maybe make a trip to something like Fantasy Fest in Key West, Florida. But of course, this year the city officials have decided that nudity among consenting adults shall be greeted by police harassment, arrest and expulsion from the island. As this festival is their #1 income generator for the year, they relaxed their attitude by mid-week and are re-thinking their misguided edict for next year. Not quite sure yet if I would do it, but combining art work and social nudity seems like a sure-fire winner for me!

So, tell me about your Halloween plans for this weekend. Do you plan on dressing up or is that too much trouble? Are you hosting a party yourself? Maybe heading out to a party? Going out to a club? Could be you’re simply going to stay home for a horror film marathon, which is my usual way of observing Halloween. Another thing I’d really love to know is if you would go to a party or a festival completely naked except for body paint, or would you at least entertain the fantasy?

Let me know!

Love you!

Poppy xxxxxxx

Things In Movies That Annoy Me

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Stop Pissing Me Off!I, for one, love to watch a good movie, whether it be at the cinema or at home on a wide screen telly. Of course, you may not agree with what I consider makes a good movie and you’d be in good company, I’m sure, but we won’t go there. Right now, I simply want to point out a few of the things Hollywood does that piss me off to no end and ruins for me what otherwise could be a good movie. Here goes:

1. Whenever a character has to go somewhere, they jump in a car, drive downtown to the busiest part of the city where there is ALWAYS a parking space right in front of the entrance of the building to which they need to go. Convenient, yes. Real life? Not so much.

2. When the bad guy is trying to run down the good guy with a car, what does the good guy do? He tries to get away from the oncoming car by running straight down the middle of the road. I mean, come on! That’s where cars drive! Does he really think he can outrun a car? Try running down an alley or hopping over a drainage ditch! You know, go somewhere where cars can’t drive?

3. On the subject of cars, ever notice when pulling up to a house after dark, they shut off the ignition, get out of the car and walk away leaving the headlights on? Must generate a lot of business for AAA…

4. When the hot chick is running through the woods to get away from the ugly, evil serial killer, she will invariably keep stopping and turning around to see if she’s still being pursued. Duh.

5. And of course, you just know that the chick in #4 will trip over a badger or the only protruding rock in the entire fucking forest and sprain her ankle. Never fails.

6. Explosions. I’m not like most girls you know. I don’t mind explosions in movies. Sometimes they’re awesome. However… Why do the idiots in Hollywood think we need to see the same explosion three times? The same one. BAM! BAM! BAM! What the fuck? Did they think we’d miss it the first two times?

7. And no, Sound Effects guy, computers do not beep quite as much as you seem to think they do.

8. Why, whenever someone types on a computer keyboard, does the text always appear in 2-inch tall characters? And when the computer responds, it displays one letter every two seconds. They must think we’re all still using 110 baud acoustic coupler modems from the middle ages.

9. The ‘L-shaped’ sheet. When a couple are in bed, the sheet is always at his waist and her neckline. All the L-shaped sheet does is call attention to the fact that they’re hiding her tits, more so than if they simply showed her nipples.

10. Cell phones. Whenever they want to emphasize the fact that the other party hung up on the caller, the Sound Effects guy (yeah… the same dude from #7) plays the sound of a dial tone. Hello! Cell phones do not have dial tones! Get your head out of your ass and into the 21st century!

I’m done ranting for now, guys. Gonna take a deep breath, have a glass of wine and watch a movie. Shit! That’s what started all this!

Love ya!

Poppy xxxxxx

All Present And Accounted For!

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Pink Floyd - Dark Side Of The Moon“Hello, hello? Is there anybody out there? Just nod if you can hear me. Is there anyone at home?” First off, apologies to Pink Floyd. I just wanted to see if there is anyone left walking around, because in case you weren’t aware, the world ended yesterday. That’s right.. Dead, deceased, defunct… It is an ex-planet. (Now I have to apologize to Monty Python!) There have been Doomsayers throughout the ages right back to the beginning of time. I can just see it… Ten minutes after we hairless apes started strutting around on two legs, one of them must have said “Shit… You KNOW this ain’t gonna last!”.

Harold Camping - One Scary Dude!The arrogant, money-hungry, ever-mistaken and obviously mathematically challenged Harold Camping got this whole End-Of-The-World thing wrong. Again. He’s been banging away at predicting the coming of The Rapture and the apocalypse for decades, having written a slew of books and making half a dozen firm, carved-in-stone announcements of the End Of Days and big surprise! He has been wrong every single time. His explanation? “Oops! My bad!”. Claims he miscalculated, dropped a decimal point, zigged when he should have zagged… Any excuse except the truth: He has no idea what the fuck he is doing. Of course, none of this has stopped him from collecting over $72 million dollars from gullible assholes who quit their jobs, sold their houses and sent all their money to him in the belief they were going to be lifted up into heaven while the rest of us go ‘poof’.

Monty Python Foot StompMe being me, it has crossed my mind that there is a number of people who I wouldn’t mind if they simply did disappear one day… But that’s a topic for a whole other blog. It just annoys the shit out of me that there are people who are far too willing to con people out of their hard earned money. Faith healers, Psychics, Life-Coaches, Evangelists… Their ranks are rife with thieves who take money without giving results and live in luxury while their clients eat dog food. I don’t mean to say they are all crooked, but I’ve yet to hear of one who isn’t.

Good ol’ Harold has been avoiding the press (no shit!) so we have not yet heard of his next firm Rapture date… It may be that we will simply have to wait until December 21st, 2012 to see if the Mayans got it right… Personally, I think they ended their 5,000 year calendar on that date when the guy chiseling it into the granite figured he had had enough, said ‘Fuck it’ and went out and got drunk… As good a theory as any! Oops! Gotta go… I dropped a peanut down me blouse. I think I’ll see if The Boyfriend wants to try and find it!

Love ya!

Poppy xxxxxx

Why Do People Fall For This?

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We all get them. The strange little emails that purport to be from a lawyer in England claiming they represent a recently deceased multimillionaire estranged from their family, living (and dying) in a strange land, surrounded by people they couldn’t trust… What to do with all that money? Hey, I know! Bequeath it to a total stranger on the other side of the planet! Now THAT makes perfect sense! The email tells a sad story of how, if you don’t respond within a limited amount of time, the money will be confiscated by a corrupt and evil government somewhere in Africa and only you can prevent that from happening. And all you have to do is either A) send them a good faith payment. (Yeah, right), or B) send them all the personal details of your life… There are actually people who have sent tens of thousands of dollars to a person they have never heard of much less know.

In a variation of this, a slew of emails have recently shown up in my inbox claiming to be from some Assistant Deputy Director Grand High Poobah of the the FBI informing me that a package addressed to me is being held at US Customs. In examining the package, they say they have determined it contains 1.3 million dollars but it cannot be released due to the proper paperwork not having been completed. For some unfathomable reason, the FBI wants to help me get the money. Like that is likely. In order to prepare the paperwork, they want me to send them information such as my address (I thought it was on the package), my phone number, where I work, my SSN so they can (Get ready) assist me in not having to pay taxes on the money. They also want my bank account number so they can deposit the money for me and save me the trouble of doing it myself. Then they threaten that if I do not immediately cooperate, they will have me arrested and charged fraud.

It is laughable on the face of it due to the ludicrous story, but it so obviously a scam when you read the email carefully. This supposedly high ranking official in the FBI has written me an email that is so full of grammatical, punctuation and spelling errors that the only thing I can possibly come up with is that it was written in a foreign language and run through Google Translator. When you dig a little deeper (I like to do that just for fun) in the header record of the email, you find that regardless of what the return email address says, it originated on a server in Bulgaria, Kenya or Singapore…. I know a lot of things are being outsourced but this is ridiculous! One of them didn’t even try to spoof the return address in the hope that the FBI sending me an email from a Google Mail account wouldn’t raise any suspicion. I’m pretty sure the FBI has their very own domain name with at least one Exchange Server and that they do not rely on GMAIL.

When you get these emails, read them, have a good laugh and click on DELETE. If it sounds too good to be true, then it is. The is no such thing as a free lunch, Elvis is NOT working at a convenience store in Ohio, you have NOT won an international lottery you never entered and NO ONE has pulled your name out of their ass so they could send you millions of dollars.

Til next time, Love you all!

Poppy xxxxxxxxxx

Random Thoughts of the Day

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Albert EinsteinThese aren’t mine, but I agree with a lot of them… Matter of fact, I have no idea where they came from, so apologies to the original author. Or authors. Or compiler. Or what-not…

1. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

2. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.

3. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

4. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

5. The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase “Regards” again.

6. There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

7. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

8. A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Well, yeah, if you suck at it.

9. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

10. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

That’s enough for now.. There’s more, but that’s for another day! Have a great Sunday, everyone!

Love ya!

Poppy xxxxxx

Why Is Nudity Such A Problem?

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Nude In Public
I debated long and hard about whether to write this blog entry. I didn’t want to come off as a prig or an asshole, but then I figured, what the fuck…

Why do so many people have issues with nudity? What exactly is the problem with being naked? Part of the issue is confusing nudity with sexuality. While sexuality involves being nude (in most cases!), nudity does not have to involve sexuality. It’s not like we don’t know what the opposite sex looks like. Nudity hasn’t always been a problem, Did you know that bathing suits weren’t created until the late 1800s? Before that, people, men and women, disrobed completely to go swimming. There were no national laws prohibiting nudity while towns were allowed to create ordinances concerning nudity in public pools, most people swam nude in rivers and lakes.

Caught me with me knickers down!And don’t throw your religious morality at me. Do you know who owns the world’s largest collection of nude artwork? The Vatican. Yup. The Vatican. I have no problem with others being nude or being nude myself. I’ve flashed my tits at parties (and I wasn’t the only one!), I usually change my clothes in the car on the way home from the beach, I’ve stripped nude to go swimming and I routinely sunbathe nude on my balcony. It is somewhat secluded but it is by no means impossible for someone to see me while I’m out there. I have no problem changing clothes with others in the room and I’ve been known to get out of the shower and walk around the house naked except for a towel around me head. And yes, at times, there have been other people there. Friends, relatives and neighbours of both sexes. They know what I’m like and they know what I look like. No big deal. I haven’t walked around the streets in the nude (at least not yet!) but if someone dared me to walk out my front door starkers to get the newspaper or something out of the car (and there were no children present) I would probably do it. Now I don’t go out of my way to be naked in front of others but it doesn’t bother me if I am. Or if they are. Important point: Just because I’m nude, or they are, or several people are, that does not mean I want to get laid or want to perform other sexual acts. Get it?

My TitsI’m glad I got all that off my not inconsiderable chest! And here’s photographic evidence! (if you’d like to see more, check out my photo gallery!)….

Love you all, and till next time, why not try going nude for a while and not just when you’re home alone with the curtains drawn… You might just find you like it!

Poppy xxxxxx

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